now that i've tell u everything....

24 jan, 7.41pm

Now that i've tell u everything, hope u'll forgive me slowly and you can move on easily.. =)
i know u mad at me when i tell u the truth td..but i dont wanna hide anything from u anymore..coz i dont want u to remember me as sumone else..and supaye lg sng u nk lupekn i..i xnk u sedey lame2 coz i know it will affect ur job..im sorry bout everything..but u know y i did all that kn..i dah gtau u td..if u didnt start 1st, i xkn wat balik...but u lied to me 1st, so i juz follow what u've did..
sory, tp mmg itu prangai i..i cnt change..

nway, hope u'll feel better when u know the truth..n hope for the best for u..=)

i HATE to admit it...but i MISSED you... ;(

21 jan, 6.12pm

it has been 2 days since we broke up.(for real this time).and yes, i hate to admit it..but im starting to miss u..but i cant just take back my words..and the things that i've said to you..maybe u were right..mayb ape yg i buat ni keputusan yg btol.
just admit it, dr awl lg kite mmg xserasi..jauh panggang dari api..u r way too different with me.. im the outgoing person, n u're such a control freak..i should've realized it from the beginning..but i was too blind to see what was coming.. =(
i tau i xckp mnde ni dpn2 u, or even in msg..juz dlm blog je i braney..maybe sbb i tau u xkn pnh bukak n bace blog i..=)
what i wanted to say is, despite all the arguments, yelling and cursing, i feel happy n lucky coz i met u,coz u had brighten up my days..n scare xlangsung, u teach me how to be gentle n sensitive with other's feeling..thx alot for that..really appreciate it.
even with ur stupid jokes yg kdg2 xmnjadi,tp sbbkn kesian i gelak jugak..thx 4 that too..hahaaa...
besusah payah u nk wat lawak2 ngokngek nk bg i happy..
wish we could heal all the bad memories and just stay happy forever..unfortunately things are not that easy...mnde dah jd xley tarik balik..n i bkn jenis yg sng2 bole lupekn certain things, things yg u da wat i ilang trust dkt u..im sorry but that is just the way i am..
kite same2 mengongkong dgn tahap dewa punye terok..somi istri pon xde kene cntrol seterok kite i rase..hahaaa...tu lah..org ckp, becinte bagai nk rak sgt pon xbole..kang lame2 makin terok jd nye..n look what happened..it has already turn bad..padan muke dri sndri..hahaha
yang penting, i just want to thank u for everything.. n hope u will have a very2 good life ahead.. n cube kurang2kn menipoo tu, so xde la org tpoo u balik..mcm yg i buat..=)
if ade jodoh, insyallah kite jupe lg..if xde, i doakn kejayaan u, n kebahagiaan u..may God bless u..

p/s: i know u think that i have move on with my life..believe me..i CAN'T. its not easy to move on when u're still in love with the person who actually broke ur heart many times... ;(
thx 4 ur love syg...

should we END this?? part of me say YES..part of me say NO.

4.59pm
it has been a year and 4 mnth u and me..but the condition is getting worse and no sign of progession..
makin ari,makin jauh..ade je mnde xkene..and ade je isu yg nk dibangkitkn..
are we actually bored with this relationship?or we just had enough with all the nonsense rules that you've put out.coz i dont think we gonna make it if we cant tolerate n keep controlling each other like some kind of puppet..i am human being, still in the process of growing and knowing life..but when im with you, i have to gave up many things,,and missed out all the fun,the sadness, and other things..coz im too bz playing by your rules and just follow your stupid way of having a relationship!
i need to be free..jiwa i mmg jiwa bebas..i dont like to be controlled like this..i told you from the beginning of our relationship, but still..u ignore my needs. and so i try to live by your rules..and now, as u can see, im getting worse..i cant stand it anymore..1year plus is enough for me..please, you have to learn trust people and be trusted...
i almost brake up with u few days back..but i cant, because im too depending on you..but now, not anymore..i've learn to live by my own, and i think i can handle it pretty well..when someone is there to help me to go thru this whole alone time..thx. :)
maybe that's just what i need, a companion..not new replace or anything..juz a companion that can fill my day with laughter and make me happy..that's all..i dont need to be worried sick about u anymore, about where u're going, what u're doing, who r u flirting with this time...i am now worry-free...;)
so, my mind has decide that if, this last chance that i gave you, since u cheated on me previous time,you ruined it, no more chance for you dear..that will be it..coz once u cheated on me, you wont stop..juz like how u said u would stop smoking,kejap je benti de..pastu wat balik...KAN??
so, that's it..im juz waiting 4 u to make the wrong move and i will call it quit..
it is not worth it to be this dumb for a guy that cant even keep his little promise to his girl..like to quit smoking, stop wasting your money on phones, and other things that u've promised me..what i can see, u're still do does thing that you said you wouldnt do anymore..
so, from there, i can see what kind of man are you..and yes..i hate it when u keep staring at other girls when im beside you..as if im nt there..cmon lah..ingat i bute ke xnmpk..i know u cover2 when u see im looking at you, but still..i wasnt born yesterday ok..

so, lets just hope you dont screw up for the how many times,*i dont know coz i dont keep track*
coz then, i will screw you.. :)
THE END

cant sleep...

it's 1.32 am and im still awake..td da tdo,but tbe2 terjage..lately salu cmni..
kejap2 tejage...i didn't get enough sleep, n enough rest..tp still ade energy for a whole day activity.
am i turning into a superwoman?hoho..
maybe because of my strong will tok g class on the next morning that keeps me energetic.penat xpnat i have to force myself to wake up every morning..kalo ikotkn mls, mmg sume klas pagi ak xpegi la jwbnye..i dont want to make the same mistake twice..like what i did in my 2nd year..*what a waste!!!*
i cant sleep, so dunno what else i can do..so i write in my blog..plus, i've promised that i'll update my blog as much as possible aite..*my resolution for 2010 ;)*
speaking of resolution..i think i want to list out my wish list..who knows, someday i could do and achieve all the things that i wish for..insyallah..

so, here it goes..

MY WISH LIST..it started like this~

1) ak nk g bungee jumping!!!wawawawaw..kt msia xde ke tpt ley bungee..i want to do it soooOoOooOoo badly~ guess i have to wait till i work, then i cn go anywhere i want and go bungee2..weee~ ;)
2)wanna go for a sky dive..i dont know why. but i like to do things that involved me flying~hwa3..mayb i have the spirit of an eagle?? wanna be flying around n freeeeee~*hah! yea ryte~me, an eagle??more like a donkey..hahhahahaha
3)alamak..perot bebunyik..hahhaha..naty sy smbg ye~ ;p

i gotta feeling,2010 will be something different from the previous year..

Did you ever feel like when you're living in your own world, and all of sudden, you realize, there's much more to explore and many other things happening around you. But you are too busy living in your own 'not so perfect world' till you didn't notice everything around you and what you're missing? well i have..
These past few days, i have gone through some interesting activities, i may say..and it makes me realize that how shallow n how i was living under the shell thins whole year..I've been missing out a lot of things and moments that i should have, since im still 21..and yes, this November going 22.(urrghhh..how i hate that number..could i just stay 21 forever?)
So im not growing younger, everyday i can feel my olderness*i like to use my own term hehe* getting older n older..
i know 21 is still young, but i feel like I'm living as if I'm 30!! :-(
when i just about to spread my wings, 'something' or someone has destroyed my so called adventure.. i guess i have to deal with it..or maybe this is not the right time for me to go boom2 pow! *haha!*
coz im still studying, probably God sent *it* to me so that i could focus on my stdy 1st..and if God's willing, i cn enjoy my life with my own money when i already have a carrier..insya'Allah..=) and also enjoy in a Halal way...wawawawawa~
but still, i really2 hope i could experience new things in 2010..pliz3....
Dont you know, im an adrenalin junky..;p

craving for chillis, but dont have money to buy all the luxuries..wuwu~

wawa...jpa ku syg~ bila la kaw nak masok..sob2..xsian ke kt kami2 ni..huuuuu
yesterday was fun.;) tiring but fun..hehe
full stop..
cant wait for the next 'adventure' =p

do i have to be a bitch everytime u're not around?

Everytime i'm not with you, im being bitchy towards you. It's hard to explain why, but i feel everytime you're away from me, you are up to no good. and so i tend to think of bad things about u.
I don't know what is the main problem here..maybe i'm not right for you, or you're not right for me..*sigh* i don't know~
The only way for us to keep in peace is to be close with each other. If not, either me or you will start an issue or something that can trigger war between us..
But when i think back, maybe its me..maybe im the one that need to be corrected..cause i think my head cant think straight and rationally..
Im sorry coz being bitchy to you..i think i need a physiciatrist.